I feel so bad for the boy. I thought, my, what if that had been my son?
Now as a parent I wonder. What on earth could I possibly do for my son after he’d experienced something like that. How as a parent could I somehow give hope, that even though something hellish and horrific took place, “yeah, son, you can still go on”. “Yeah, son, you can still succeed”. “yeah, son, you can have the best revenge, which is living well…”
Platitudes don’t cut it.
How does one communicate through to someone who has gone through such a tragedy? Here all my words fall short. I don’t know if I can. And that ineffectiveness pains me. I don’t think that of all the good that is in me, that any, none that I could give, could ever fill but the tiniest part of that vast hole which must lurk within…..
I do know that closure is important. Having evil lose, is very important to mankind. It is important to all of us. It will be hard, for those memories are buried deep. When they get exhumed as you go through the trial, which with appeals will take years, those feelings you haven’t felt for years, all come rushing back with the intensity you once experienced them…..
But for closure, justice must be pursued. For the simple reason is, that if justice is not allowed to fulfill it’s proper destiny, than we are all unjust ourselves, because we stood in its way. And that, is not who we are…
People will say you are brave. They will thank you for coming forward. They will interview you for your deepest feelings. Then they will go on with their lives proud of what they did. They will forget you.
That may be good, and that may be hard on you after being in the limelight for so long.
And that is when you anger really begins. You no longer have an outlet to express it. Your friends tell you to get over it. You feel like you are a pariah where ever you go…. Whether you imagine or it is real, whispers of being “that victim” will always haunt you….
I probably shouldn’t mention it here, it’s way too early in the process, but there is a way out. And what goes on outside of you, really has nothing to do with what is on your inside….
And that is to forgive him. Yes. forgive Eric Bodenweiser. I’m not saying to let justice off the hook; its wheels need to grind with regularity. Justice is out of your hands. What is in your hands, is your heart…
Forgiveness has been rated a weakness by our American society. When actually it is very hard to do. It takes a tougher man to forgive, than it does to carry revenge as a motive for the rest of their life. That actually is easy compared to forgiving one who did something so horrible to you.
I don’t know if you are up for it. I think it is far too tough for most people. Christians talk about it, but in your case, I think that would be the wrong example to bring up. I know Martin Luther King did it. I know Gandhi did it. I know Mandela did it. I know Mother Teresa did it.
I really didn’t get why forgiveness is important, until watching Star Wars. But somewhere along one of those episodes, it hit me that my anger was what was keeping me weak. It was the focus of all I did. I couldn’t see life past it. It made me do things other people saw as ugly. It created many problems over which I was always trying to overcome. I often wondered why I always had so many problems compared to others, without understanding that I was the one creating them… Where Yoda says: “let go of the anger. let go of the hurt…” that was the point in my lifetime where I realized forgiveness wasn’t something Christian. It was something human, requiring us to use our minds and talk ourselves through our anger, and accept that what happened, was a part of what we were to become in our future….. and that we had a choice of whether to turn that into good, or continue the evil.
Point is, when you finally let go, you are the beneficiary. Mostly we are taught to think forgiveness is for our foe. No, it really is for us; it is a cathartic experience that yeah, we walked through hell and survived… Only after we have truly forgiven them, can we look at ourselves and say, wow, I’m this really great human being. I’m like Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Mandela, and Sister Teresa.
I said above, that there was nothing I could do. But perhaps this is it. Perhaps just for years, keep in mind that forgiving Eric Bodenweiser will be what you have to do someday to move beyond this…. It might take years after justice has been served…. Just keep it in mind. … My heart, my soul goes out to you now…
I know you have a tough time headed your way. If you need anything……